Work-Life-Change-Balance.

If life were to be my master and I, an obedient pet, it would be having the hardest time trying to put a leash around me..for I have been all over the place in the last few months. Busy would be an understatement. Work- Life balance is what I have been perfecting, and I wont say I have had a good grip of it yet, probably will take a very long time to figure it out, apparently, from the wise, I hear, that's what makes the hair go gray! huh..so much for a simple life?
So, the big news, I am gonna become a Mrs. soon..pretty soon..and thats a big step in my life..a step I have thought about and taken and now that I have taken it, I am not looking back. I sure will miss my single life, but there's a point where I want to not be single anymore and I think I am very close to that point.So, all said and done, I'm gonna be saying and doing the needful to close this deal very soon ;-).
On other notes, I have been traveling quite a bit, south, west, all over the place...and I am enjoying, not that I have never enjoyed traveling, but then ,these are places I would have given anything to go to, and the truth is, I didnt have to give anything, except that it literally came and fell in my lap. I semi-full filled another one of my childhood dreams of being able to be associated with the largest space organization in the country. I am happy for me. I hear its good to know what your childhood dreams are and to be able to selectively tick them off one at a time..I am done on two of them for now.
I survived an year of extreme cost cutting and head count shedding at work, and that makes me feel a lot better. I am not sure if it says something about my credibility at work or that I have been extremely lucky, to be at the right place at the right time with the right people. I have to say though, I do one of the most comfortable teams to work for and with, couldnt ask for more on that front, there is a certain advantage in being the only woman in a section 10 men, sometimes it can be challenging, but in my case, it has so far been a boon.
Its a late sunday night right now, and I should be heading for the bed...oh wait..I have a day off tomorrow..haha! :)

I am not kidding you, atleast not now.

It's been roughly 3 months, since I last logged into my blog..it's like I have lost my touch of writing, the motivation to write and worse of all, the inspiration. I have all excuses in the world I can think of, to say why I have not been here for so long, but truly though, I would open my blog, look at the archives, think of good old days, sigh here and there, and then close it. Why I miss the inspiration or motivation to write, I guess sometimes I feel I have outgrown my blog, sometimes I feel, I make myself too vulnerable, opening up to the web world about my life..but I have a lot to share.

My best friend is expecting their first baby, should be a milestone in my life, it will be, but I wont be there to see the baby when she is born, I wont be there as the my friend transitions into motherhood..I'll be in my world, busy with my life..that makes me sound like a selfish friend, but in reality, that's how my life has turned out to be..being so far from family and friends, you really cant want to be part of all the goodness.

My parents move out of a city, they have lived forever in a few weeks, into their homeland, I wont be there to be with them, help them, do what ever necessary, instead, I will be dialing there number from 10000 miles away, to find out if things are going on OK, if not, to try to tell them,what they already know, that they will figure a way out. My worth to them, might not have diminished, but what has, is my need, probably. Isn't that what every child is to their parent, to be needed, wanted..yet I am helpless, as I build my life so far away from them, and to know they want to me to do that, and not worry about them, that's priceless, but then again, that's being a parent.

I am rising higher up in my career, I am meeting different caliber of people, and dealing with them differently, somewhere deep down, I have become more meticulously cold towards certain things in life, than I used to be. Is that something unique to me, probably not, "shit happens", like people say here..and you move on..have I inherited that in myself, may be 20%. I still worry on silly things at times, get worked up on things that are not big issues, yet I find myself being callous at times, to things that would have mattered, a couple of years ago. I seem to have become more "I need equal attention that I give" types, which I think is only fair?

My friends here think I am cool, classy and what not..I know I am classy, I am not sure about the cool factor, but I definitely know that I am not who I used to be. Yeah, everyone change, they become wise or otherwise. But I seem to have this eerie feeling of being stuck somewhere, not exactly sure where. My temper seems to be tipping towards flaring more often than not. I am restless and I know that. I could even laugh at how tacky the name of my blog sounds right now, but then, I am not really sure why I am so cynically now, really.

After a long while..

It's been an awfully long while, since I have written anything, there are reasons for it..some very serious and some not so much. The US recession gave my job a scare, but I hold on to my position as of date and that's a good thing..
On other things in life, its been going on great..superb actually.
My special friend just became an uncle..and I couldnt be happier. Its such a joyous moment. I can hear his beaming voice, full of love and adoration for his little niece. Like he had been waiting all this while, for this beautiful little one, that suddenly changed all their lives and brought a bundle of joy. I wish I could record this moment myself, to be able to live it, when life begins to look dull, because there is nothing more magical than the birth of a child, the tiny hands and feet, the beautiful sleepy eyes and a fairly bald head, that wants to be cuddled and touched and loved and nothing else...ahh..the glory of life and the miracles of it. I wish him and his family ..nothing but absolute bliss...
Life is beautiful...

Want..

Things I have done in my life so far..
* Been the perfect student
* Rebelled against parents
* wished for vengeance
* Ratted out cheaters
* Been a hypocrite
* Read fewer books than wanted
* Fought over silly things
* Loved more than life
* Cried more than worth
* Done more than possible
* Worked harder than needed
* Patronized where not needed
* Helped those who wanted
* Listened and judged at times
* Wronged and righted it out
* Accepted defeat and moved along

Things I want to do..
* Live the rest of my life with you..

Aye mujhe, tu nadan yeh dil
kitna intezaar aaj karayega
sama saji hai, aaj mukamal hai
meri duniya, teri intezaar mein..

Bahti dariya ki lhroin se poochna
Inteha kitni deti hai saahil ke intezaar ki
Aaj asma bhi dhoobe-gar ansu-on mein
Tamanna teri lekin, barkara mere dil mein...

Mohabbat, chahne wale ki adat nahi,
mazboori kahlati hai Qalb mein,
Majhdhar par aaj kasti, kinare ki khoj hai
Naraz nazar apki, humari aur kuch roz hai..

The disappointed self!

In life, we meet so many people along our journey, some people leave a deep, ever lasting foot print while walking with us and some tend to clover on our shoulder, piggybacking till they reach their destination..and then just jump off. I have met my share of both..the later a lot more often than the first. Recently I met someone in the first category, who happened to give me an insight at myself..by asking a simple question, you are not what you claim to be...and so begins..
To many I come off as the ever smiling, cordial, jovial person, who is well grounded and yet to some I come off as a stubborn, and even sarcastic snob, who thinks she can do no wrong. I agree, occasionally I can be a real bull, unwavering in my ways, but I don't think I have ever been intentionally rude or snub someone..and the worst, I am always open to people telling me my short comings, but alas, people would rather gossip about it than tell me, straight up whats wrong with me, hell that helps so much, straighten out misunderstandings and in a weird kind of way, strengthens the friendship/bond. I have changed myself for many people, over the time, and yet sometimes I wonder, if I should have, sometimes I think I have changed for the better and sometimes not. For instance, I realized, only yesterday, while talking to a certain someone close, that I am not all that talkative anymore, that I claimed I used to be. I have quietened down quite a bit over the years, I don't know if thats good or bad, but it was never intentional, I realize, I don't hold long conversations without "so, whats next" or "what else" cropping up every now and then, unless I am talking to someone I haven't spoken for in ages! I do not like this change in me, for once, I want to go back to being able to talk for hours, on anything, now I seem to be able to sustain a long conversation, if its about life, philosophy or something related to cars/stars blah! How boring! Sigh...I am disappointed with myself. It would be right to say to myself, for once...change sucks!

A state of my mind...

Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi, yeh shaam bhi ajeeb hai
Woh kal bhi paas paas thi woh aaj bhi kareeb hai
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi

Jhuki hui nigaahon mein, kahin mera khayaal tha
Dabi dabi hansi mein ik, haseen saa gulaal tha
Main sochta tha, mera naam gunguna rahi hai woh
Na jaane kyon laga mujhe, ke muskura rahi hai woh
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi

Mera khayaal hai abhi jhuki hui nigaah mein
Khuli hui hansi bhi hai, dabi hui si chaah mein
Main janta hoon, mera naam gunguna rahi hai woh
Yahi khayaal hai mujhe, ke saath aa rahi hai woh
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi, yeh shaam bhi ajeeb hai
Woh kal bhi paas paas thi woh aaj bhi kareeb hai
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi...