After a long while..

It's been an awfully long while, since I have written anything, there are reasons for it..some very serious and some not so much. The US recession gave my job a scare, but I hold on to my position as of date and that's a good thing..
On other things in life, its been going on great..superb actually.
My special friend just became an uncle..and I couldnt be happier. Its such a joyous moment. I can hear his beaming voice, full of love and adoration for his little niece. Like he had been waiting all this while, for this beautiful little one, that suddenly changed all their lives and brought a bundle of joy. I wish I could record this moment myself, to be able to live it, when life begins to look dull, because there is nothing more magical than the birth of a child, the tiny hands and feet, the beautiful sleepy eyes and a fairly bald head, that wants to be cuddled and touched and loved and nothing else...ahh..the glory of life and the miracles of it. I wish him and his family ..nothing but absolute bliss...
Life is beautiful...

Want..

Things I have done in my life so far..
* Been the perfect student
* Rebelled against parents
* wished for vengeance
* Ratted out cheaters
* Been a hypocrite
* Read fewer books than wanted
* Fought over silly things
* Loved more than life
* Cried more than worth
* Done more than possible
* Worked harder than needed
* Patronized where not needed
* Helped those who wanted
* Listened and judged at times
* Wronged and righted it out
* Accepted defeat and moved along

Things I want to do..
* Live the rest of my life with you..

Aye mujhe, tu nadan yeh dil
kitna intezaar aaj karayega
sama saji hai, aaj mukamal hai
meri duniya, teri intezaar mein..

Bahti dariya ki lhroin se poochna
Inteha kitni deti hai saahil ke intezaar ki
Aaj asma bhi dhoobe-gar ansu-on mein
Tamanna teri lekin, barkara mere dil mein...

Mohabbat, chahne wale ki adat nahi,
mazboori kahlati hai Qalb mein,
Majhdhar par aaj kasti, kinare ki khoj hai
Naraz nazar apki, humari aur kuch roz hai..

The disappointed self!

In life, we meet so many people along our journey, some people leave a deep, ever lasting foot print while walking with us and some tend to clover on our shoulder, piggybacking till they reach their destination..and then just jump off. I have met my share of both..the later a lot more often than the first. Recently I met someone in the first category, who happened to give me an insight at myself..by asking a simple question, you are not what you claim to be...and so begins..
To many I come off as the ever smiling, cordial, jovial person, who is well grounded and yet to some I come off as a stubborn, and even sarcastic snob, who thinks she can do no wrong. I agree, occasionally I can be a real bull, unwavering in my ways, but I don't think I have ever been intentionally rude or snub someone..and the worst, I am always open to people telling me my short comings, but alas, people would rather gossip about it than tell me, straight up whats wrong with me, hell that helps so much, straighten out misunderstandings and in a weird kind of way, strengthens the friendship/bond. I have changed myself for many people, over the time, and yet sometimes I wonder, if I should have, sometimes I think I have changed for the better and sometimes not. For instance, I realized, only yesterday, while talking to a certain someone close, that I am not all that talkative anymore, that I claimed I used to be. I have quietened down quite a bit over the years, I don't know if thats good or bad, but it was never intentional, I realize, I don't hold long conversations without "so, whats next" or "what else" cropping up every now and then, unless I am talking to someone I haven't spoken for in ages! I do not like this change in me, for once, I want to go back to being able to talk for hours, on anything, now I seem to be able to sustain a long conversation, if its about life, philosophy or something related to cars/stars blah! How boring! Sigh...I am disappointed with myself. It would be right to say to myself, for once...change sucks!

A state of my mind...

Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi, yeh shaam bhi ajeeb hai
Woh kal bhi paas paas thi woh aaj bhi kareeb hai
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi

Jhuki hui nigaahon mein, kahin mera khayaal tha
Dabi dabi hansi mein ik, haseen saa gulaal tha
Main sochta tha, mera naam gunguna rahi hai woh
Na jaane kyon laga mujhe, ke muskura rahi hai woh
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi

Mera khayaal hai abhi jhuki hui nigaah mein
Khuli hui hansi bhi hai, dabi hui si chaah mein
Main janta hoon, mera naam gunguna rahi hai woh
Yahi khayaal hai mujhe, ke saath aa rahi hai woh
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi, yeh shaam bhi ajeeb hai
Woh kal bhi paas paas thi woh aaj bhi kareeb hai
Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi...

What seems is never what it is!!

I am frustrated, pissed and mad, at my-own-damn-self, for letting get manipulated, by someone I thought was a close friend, only to find, otherwise!! This is so F'ed up!! I've to be the most naive idiot in town, to not have seen this coming before!! When on earth will I ever learn! What seems is never what it is!!Argh!

When he doesnt call..

A friend (Link to his article)suggested I take a pot shot at what it could possibly mean when a guy does not call, when he says he would..from my perspective..

You meet him at a bar or at an office party or at a friends get together or just at a random place. Lets assume its a bar..He is a cutie, he thinks the same, and buys you a drink, some talk here and there..and by the time you realize, the evenings turned into night of laughter and you think you guys have clicked well and its time to go home, an awkward silence and then he asks for your number, tells he will call and you go back home, your ego inflated. A day or two later, the call never comes, you debate if you should call, but you wait and want him to call you first, thats the etiquette you have lived by..your hopes fade after a week..you wonder why!
I say this is why..



1. Giving him the benefit of doubt..He misplaced your number when he threw in his pants with his laundry. Guys seem to forget to check there pockets more often than they should! And had no clue what happened to the piece of paper he wrote down your number. He could have also lost it being overtly tipsy after the night, has no clue where he "safely" put it down. He knows he was sure he kept it by the computer, only there's a pile of other papers by it...everything but the number..anyways..so that could be a genuine possibility, however convincing the girl of it, would be nearly impossible.So thats almost a lost case.

2. He liked you when he spoke but wasn't sure, he felt that spark or burning urge to meet again. Could be because of anything, the way you reacted to something he said, or how you managed yourself or how you behaved socially. It can be a major turn off for guys, I think, if you don't have an edge about yourself..as in, you are nice and all that, but sometimes guys seem to look for that x-factor that would set you apart from others..which could be..how flirtatious you are, how controlled you are after a few drinks or even what type of signals you send out.

3. He is a jerk and collects girls number just for the heck of it, to boast to his friends. In that case, you are better off not hanging out with him anyways. Such guys usually end up with someone their kind, who gives them a taste of themselves. And all he wanted was a good time, and was probably even looking for a ONS. Look out for such guys, they are not the kind you want calls from!

4. He is shy, and is not sure when the right time is. He does not want to seem desperate and at the same time aloof or disinterested. He keeps talking about you to his friends and gets their idea on when the time is right, only he is too scared to take the next step and ends up pushing himself a little too far. I think the best in such cases,for guys would be to just listen to their heart and call, because if you guys clicked, trust me, the girl would be as nervous or anticipating as the guy..so no harm giving it a shot. But occasionally the guy just gets too carried away by the what ifs of rejection and then we all know the end.

5. He is a Mama's boy and his Mom didn't approve of it! Yeah well...I have heard this reason, and have been stunned which is why I had to put it down here!

Guy's will remain guys. But I think, everyone deserves a benefit of doubt and occasionally, if the guy seems good, I think the girl should take the first step if its over a week that he hasn't called. You never know how things could change after that. You won't loose anything making the first step, at the maximum, he/she would say no, make an excuse, or keep the date..if you don't make the first effort, you will never really find out what you lost or got! :).

Good luck to all those seeking... :).