It's been roughly 3 months, since I last logged into my blog..it's like I have lost my touch of writing, the motivation to write and worse of all, the inspiration. I have all excuses in the world I can think of, to say why I have not been here for so long, but truly though, I would open my blog, look at the archives, think of good old days, sigh here and there, and then close it. Why I miss the inspiration or motivation to write, I guess sometimes I feel I have outgrown my blog, sometimes I feel, I make myself too vulnerable, opening up to the web world about my life..but I have a lot to share.
My best friend is expecting their first baby, should be a milestone in my life, it will be, but I wont be there to see the baby when she is born, I wont be there as the my friend transitions into motherhood..I'll be in my world, busy with my life..that makes me sound like a selfish friend, but in reality, that's how my life has turned out to be..being so far from family and friends, you really cant want to be part of all the goodness.
My parents move out of a city, they have lived forever in a few weeks, into their homeland, I wont be there to be with them, help them, do what ever necessary, instead, I will be dialing there number from 10000 miles away, to find out if things are going on OK, if not, to try to tell them,what they already know, that they will figure a way out. My worth to them, might not have diminished, but what has, is my need, probably. Isn't that what every child is to their parent, to be needed, wanted..yet I am helpless, as I build my life so far away from them, and to know they want to me to do that, and not worry about them, that's priceless, but then again, that's being a parent.
I am rising higher up in my career, I am meeting different caliber of people, and dealing with them differently, somewhere deep down, I have become more meticulously cold towards certain things in life, than I used to be. Is that something unique to me, probably not, "shit happens", like people say here..and you move on..have I inherited that in myself, may be 20%. I still worry on silly things at times, get worked up on things that are not big issues, yet I find myself being callous at times, to things that would have mattered, a couple of years ago. I seem to have become more "I need equal attention that I give" types, which I think is only fair?
My friends here think I am cool, classy and what not..I know I am classy, I am not sure about the cool factor, but I definitely know that I am not who I used to be. Yeah, everyone change, they become wise or otherwise. But I seem to have this eerie feeling of being stuck somewhere, not exactly sure where. My temper seems to be tipping towards flaring more often than not. I am restless and I know that. I could even laugh at how tacky the name of my blog sounds right now, but then, I am not really sure why I am so cynically now, really.
2 comments:
Oh Wow, that's a 91 degree (read 90degree + 1 of its kind) change in your writing! You have become reflective. It's difficult to pitcure you like this - looking at things and forming realizations. Maybe like your mind changed, either your life has changed too or needs it.
All I'd want to say is that it's all the journey sweetheart, so you might as well not be bothered about it. Be merry and thank God for your existence! Life always comes at a prize as long as we take it seriously :)
hm....thats news to me!
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